The Many Faces of Masking: A Guide for Different Neurotypes

Chameleon

Imagine a chameleon in its natural habitat, instinctively changing its colours to blend in and avoid predators. In a world shaped by neurotypical norms, many neurodivergent individuals hide parts of themselves like this but often at a significant cost such as emotional exhaustion and disconnection from their true selves. Yet the challenge of removing this mask can feel overwhelming—what if the world rejects the person underneath?

I want to explore masking across neurodivergent different conditions, from autism to ADHD, dyslexia, OCD, and more. By understanding the layers of masking and how they connect to camouflaging behaviours, you can gain insights into why you mask, and how it affects you, and take the first small step toward self-acceptance and authenticity. 

The journey begins with acknowledging the layers of the mask and the reasons it was created. By understanding masking as a shared experience across neurotypes, readers can feel less alone. The first step toward authenticity is to gently observe when and why masking happens in daily life.

The Origins of the Mask: Why We Start Hiding: The Instinct to Blend In

Masking often begins in childhood, when neurodivergent individuals first encounter environments that expect them to “blend in.” For example:

– From childhood, an autistic person learns to suppress stimming behaviours to avoid being teased.
– With ADHD you may have forced yourself to appear more “focused” to meet expectations, even if it requires extreme effort.
– Someone with dyslexia might memorise words rather than admit they struggle with reading aloud. 

These early experiences teach that being different can result in negative consequences. This creates a protective layer of behaviours designed to “pass” as neurotypical. However, this comes at a cost—the suppression of authentic traits and the internalisation of shame. My experiences of masking, as an autistic adult led to anxiety, a sense of disconnect from my true self, exhaustion and eventually burnout. 

The Exhaustion of Keeping Up Appearances: When Camouflaging Becomes a Trap

Living behind a mask is draining because it requires constant monitoring and performance. This affects neurodivergent individuals across conditions:

– A person with Tourette’s syndrome might suppress tics in public, only to experience a rebound of symptoms in private.
– Someone with OCD might downplay their compulsions, leading to increased anxiety when they cannot perform them.
– A person with bipolar disorder might hide their mood swings masking depressive episodes by appearing cheerful, despite struggling internally. 

The psychological impact is significant, leaving you feeling trapped in inauthentic roles and relationships, disconnected from your communities and suffering physical symptoms of stress. This isn’t to say that all camouflaging is bad—sometimes, it’s necessary. The key is learning when and where it’s safe to lower the mask and let your true colours show. This balance is crucial for long-term well-being.

The Layers of the Mask: Adapting to Different Expectations

The mask isn’t a single, static thing—it’s made up of many layers tailored to different environments. Examples include:

– A dyslexic employee creates elaborate coping mechanisms at work to avoid revealing their struggles with written communication, like over-prepare for their written tasks.
– An autistic individual, trying to alter their tone of voice and facial expressions to appear more “approachable” in social situations. 
– Someone with ADHD might rely on humour to deflect attention from forgetting the shopping.

Each layer is often situational corresponding to each set of expectations, leaving the individual feeling fragmented. The need to “switch masks” between roles—friend, employee, partner—adds to the pressure. The more layers you add, the harder it becomes to peel them back. Understanding these layers—whether they involve speech, body language, or emotional expression—was my first step toward unmasking.

The Emotional Toll of Masking: Losing Touch with the True Self

Over time, masking can erode a sense of identity. Neurodivergent individuals may struggle to answer questions like “Who am I?” or “What do I enjoy?” because they’ve spent so much time prioritising others’ expectations. For example:

– A person with dyspraxia might avoid physical activities that reveal their motor challenges, believing they’re “not coordinated enough,” even if they once enjoyed them.
– Someone with schizophrenia – another condition that can be considered neurodivergent – might downplay their unique perspectives to avoid judgment, suppressing creative or insightful thoughts.

This disconnection from the self can lead to feelings of emptiness or low self-worth. Reconnecting with your true identity requires peeling back these layers slowly and with compassion. This emotional labour often led me to feelings of isolation and self-doubt. Recognising you’re not alone in this struggle, and finding strength in acknowledging your experiences are important steps towards unmasking.

Shedding the Mask Safely: Building Authentic Connections

Deciding to shed the mask feels like stepping into the unknown. What if the world sees me for who I truly am and doesn’t accept me? Fears like this are valid but not insurmountable. Removing the mask isn’t about abandoning it entirely—it’s about learning when and where it’s safe to be authentic. Small steps might include:

– Sharing a neurodivergent trait with a trusted friend or partner, such as explaining why certain environments feel overwhelming.
– Allowing stimming or other natural behaviours in private or supportive spaces.
– Advocating for accommodations, like requesting extra time for tasks. 

Authenticity is a gradual process that unfolds in supportive relationships. Over time, these actions build confidence and help you reconnect with your true self. While it’s normal to feel vulnerable at first, these steps can help produce deeper connections and greater self-acceptance. 

By reflecting on the layers of your mask, you can begin the journey toward authenticity. Practices like mindfulness or journalling can help identify where masking occurs and why, allowing you to begin the process of unmasking in slow steps gaining more insight as you progress.  

Remember the chameleon’s behaviour is vital to its survival. Unmasking doesn’t mean being entirely open and vulnerable—it means finding balance. But as you reconnect with your true self, you can establish authentic relationships that honour your neurodivergence. By embracing your uniqueness, you can contribute to a world where neurodivergent voices are valued, not silenced.

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