Do you ever find yourself struggling to live the life you had hoped for? As a late-diagnosed autistic adult, you might feel more dependent on others than you want to be, often feeling helpless and misunderstood. In this post, I will explore 10 essential skills that can help you find this freedom. These skills are effective and it’s relatively easy to make a start on them.
These are practical skills that will help your unique neurodivergent self flourish. When you feel squeezed into a mould to be like others, these skills will provide the independence you need to discover the life you want and the confidence to live it in your own way.
These skills will also help you build resilience to the challenges of life. You may have often felt controlled by your circumstances or by other people. Developing these skills will enable you to realise that you can firmly yet gently reclaim that control yourself.
Skill 1: Self-awareness and Acceptance
Understanding yourself can be difficult, especially for someone on the autistic spectrum. For example, I’ve found that reflecting on myself through journalling, for instance, has helped me identify my unique traits, challenges, and strengths. Self-compassion is vital in helping you recognise that your differences don’t make you inferior—they define who you are. Embracing self-acceptance reduces your need to mask and seek external validation. Recognising your self-worth empowers you to be your authentic self with confidence.
Skill 2: Setting Personal Boundaries
Saying “Yes” to too many requests can overwhelm you. It’s essential not to feel guilty about putting your own needs first. Setting boundaries in your social life and at work is an act of self-respect. Clearly expressed boundaries protect your energy levels, guarding against autistic burnout. They give you back control over your time and energy. They make sure your responsibilities reflect your values. They protect you from manipulation and promote happiness and authentic relationships.
Skill 3: Effective Communication Skills
Autistic people are often misunderstood due to communication differences, which can make you feel confused or deficient. As I developed an awareness of these differences, like tone of voice, body language or autistic people being more direct, it helped me understand others better and convey my ideas more clearly and confidently. This can relieve some of the frustration and help you grasp social situations better, enabling you to feel calmer and relate well to others.
Skill 4: Time Management and Organisation
Executive function challenges can make daily living overwhelming, and you may worry that people perceive you as incompetent or inconsistent. I’ve found that deliberately structuring habits and using organisational tools can help by leveraging the autistic love of routine. I’m now discovering that it’s important to keep experimenting to find out what works best for you. This will enable you to take charge of your life and reduce stress and self-criticism, empowering you to achieve more.
Skill 5: Financial Literacy
Some autistic people find dealing with money matters confusing, relying on others for help, which can leave them open to abuse. It’s vital to learn how to keep track of your money and plan for the future by regularly saving when you can and investing wisely. In the long run, this will enable you to create opportunities for yourself that reflect your authentic values rather than being controlled by financial hardships due to previous poor decisions.
Skill 6: Emotional Regulation Techniques
Emotional overwhelm triggered by stress, social expectations, or criticism can easily result in emotional dysregulation, meltdowns or shutdowns for many autistic people, disturbing their daily lives. I’ve found that practices like mindfulness or meditation can enable me to respond in ways that reflect my true intentions rather than reacting in undesired ways because I’m upset. Having more control over your emotions gives you greater resilience, a sense of security and trust in yourself.
Skill 7: Building a Support Network
You may feel isolated or lonely as a result of being different. It can take effort to find others who understand you and will stand by you in difficult circumstances. You may want to look for autism groups locally or online, neighbourhood groups or groups focusing on your special interest. I would suggest looking for people who welcome you as you are and build relationships based on your own priorities and boundaries rather than social expectations.
Skill 8: Self-Advocacy
You must be proactive in understanding and asserting your needs as an autistic person – whether at work, in education or in other activities – otherwise they may be overlooked or dismissed, leaving you disadvantaged. Know your legal rights, and don’t be exploited. I would also say, seek to express clearly the reasonable adjustments you are requesting. Not only will this enable you to be treated fairly, but advocating successfully can gain you respect and build your overall confidence.
Skill 9: Stress Management
Autistic individuals are more vulnerable than others to stressful situations, which can seriously affect their well-being. It’s vital to find healthy ways to respond to such situations that work for you. Some ways that I have found to respond include mindfulness and meditation practices, setting boundaries and pursuing special interests in order to relax. The key is to take control of the situation and your bodily responses, ensuring that your emotions and your health are not controlled by these experiences.
Skill 10: Continuous Learning and Adaptability
Autistic adults often fail to explore new possibilities because they don’t align with their current focus, whether in interests, social situations or work. Cultivating an open mindset will encourage personal development that can be restricted by such inflexibility. Over the years, I’ve gently pushed myself out of my comfort zone to learn and adapt in new ways. This will help you to continually discover more knowledge and experiences that are essential to finding authentic fulfilment.
Developing These Skills
It can take time and effort to implement these skills, and there is always more to master. Consider them one at a time. How might developing that skill enhance your life? Choose one to explore more deeply. Keep coming back to this post to pick another.
These abilities will increase your independence and empower you to develop strong relationships and build a meaningful life. You’ll still have challenges along the way, but working on these skills will mean that you are more resilient and self-assured. They will help you to believe in yourself, respect yourself, and express yourself more authentically.
Related resources to explore life skills further:
Milestones Autism Planning (MAP) Tool: Adult Independent Living Skills to Gradually Learn at Any Age