Understanding Your True Value: 12 Self-Esteem Strategies for Autistic Adults

Many autistic adults struggle with low self-esteem, and this problem can get worse when they receive an autistic diagnosis later in life. This is particularly true for women, as research shows that females often receive their autism diagnosis years after males do. One of the most important things to improve your self-esteem is recognising and accepting your value, which is crucial for personal growth and feeling good about yourself. However, because many autistic adults have absorbed negative opinions from others over time, it can be challenging to start this journey of self-acceptance.

In this post, I want to share some practical tips and thoughtful insights to help you challenge the mistaken beliefs you may have about yourself and to help you recognise your true worth. By using these strategies, you can start a positive journey towards greater self-acceptance and empowerment while also gaining a better understanding of your strengths as an autistic adult. 

1. Recognise Your Signs of Autism
You are unique and have a particular way of expressing your autistic nature. For example, autism presents differently in women to men. Women tend to mask their autistic nature better. These subtler manifestations and effective masking are often what delay diagnosis. In addition, many other characteristics like race, sexuality, or personal experiences will influence how being autistic affects you. 

2. Understand The Impact of Late Diagnosis on Self-Esteem
Delayed diagnoses can lead to years of misunderstanding yourself. For example, people have called me aloof, selfish and bad-tempered. Understanding your motivations can be challenging as an autistic individual, and lacking the alternative explanations of an autism diagnosis, you believed these judgments, which knocked your self-esteem. Acknowledging this impact is the first step toward healing.

3. Embrace Your Autistic Identity
Receiving a late diagnosis can be challenging. I resisted asking for an assessment because of how negatively autism is often perceived. However, coming to a place of acceptance can be liberating. Learning more about autism means learning more about yourself, and as you reflect on your life, you gain a deeper understanding of your experiences and challenges.

4. Build a Support Network
Connecting with others who understand and support you, including others who share similar experiences of neurodivergence, can promote the sense of belonging and validation that you have lacked for many years. Consider joining support groups, or if you can’t find one that works for you in your locality you then perhaps looking for online communities.

5. Practice Self-Compassion
Examine how you speak to yourself. Would you deliberately put those expectations on someone else? If not, then don’t treat yourself that way. It’s easy not to realise you’re doing it. It took some reflective journalling for me to realise what I was doing. I’ve now learnt not to be hard on myself for struggling with my self-esteem.

6. Set Boundaries to Protect Well-Being
Learning how to avoid or manage overload and social fatigue can transform your life. As the real you shines forth, you’ll begin to respect yourself more. For example, this means that when I’m asked for help or invited to social events, sometimes I’ll need to politely decline or only stay for a short while. 

7. Explore Special Interests as a Source of Joy
Many autistic people have “special interests” – something that you’re passionate about in a way you may be embarrassed about. – don’t be. I’ve discovered that engaging in these passions is not only relaxing but often involves developing a level of expertise that can boost my self-esteem and provide a sense of accomplishment.

8. Challenge Negative Self-Perceptions
Ask yourself if some of your negative opinions about yourself are true. Where did they come from? Are there other ways to look at this? When you find yourself thinking these things about yourself, stop and replace those thoughts with this different perception. For example, you might say, “I’m not an angry person, I’m just overloaded at the moment”. 

9. Look for Appropriate Professional Guidance
The strategies mentioned here can help enhance self-esteem and help you navigate autistic challenges, but you may also need some additional assistance. Please search with care when looking for coaches or therapists. There are some out there with experience of autism who can offer appropriate strategies, but in my experience, they are not easy to find.

10. Understand the Role of Camouflaging
Camouflaging is found particularly in women and girls. This involves consciously adapting behaviour to fit in with observable norms. While masking means trying to be perceived in a certain way, the aim of camouflaging is not to be noticed at all. While sometimes necessary, constant camouflaging can be exhausting and makes it harder to know what you are really like. 

11. Celebrate Neurodiversity
Neurodiversity sees autism as a natural difference, like many others, with both challenges and strengths. Embracing my autism in this way enabled me to appreciate the many strengths that come with it and to see that these differences enable me and others to make important contributions to the rich tapestry of human diversity. 

12. Develop a Personal Affirmation Practice
Affirmations are statements that are true of you now or that you want to be true of you in the future. Writing these and regularly repeating them to yourself can replace inner negative voices internalised from previous criticisms. Building affirmations into your daily routine can remind you of your intrinsic value and reinforce positive self-esteem.

Implementing these strategies requires patience and persistence. Trying to do all of these will be overwhelming, so start with the one or two that resonate most with you. Then, gradually incorporate more into your routine. As you do so, you will find that you are embracing your true value, and you’ll notice a shift in how you perceive yourself and interact with the world. This transformation will help you to be more resilient and self-assured. As you develop this deeper understanding of your worth, you can begin to navigate life’s challenges with increased confidence, contributing authentically to your community and beyond.